It went Bump in the Nightie

lady-heady-face-2“It went Bump in the Nightie” – Extract of a SL novel by Lady Heady Antfarm.
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(Soon to be found at Grignano Books)

“Damn it Philipina! I told you this was no job for an ex-kneecap model and budgie-sexer! This house is haunted damn it! Haunted by ghosts, spectres and at least two hideous ghoulies if what we’ve been told is right and it may just be or not who knows!” Dr Erasmus Wilkinson was angrier than he’d ever been, and the sight of his faithful assistant shivering and scared in her translucent night gown just made him even more furious. Furious and curious, for he was a scientist after all, lest he, and we, forget it, of course. Naturally. Furious that she had awoken him from his slumber, and curious as to what was making the air temperature drop so much he fancied he could easily hang a couple of hats in front of his beautiful Lady-Man Friday.

“I’m so sorry Razzy,” she said between heaving sobs. Heaving sobs that, he calculated, would leave both his hats on the floor – back to the hat stand drawing board he mentally noted. “I really am,” the silly girl continued, “but I know I saw them! I really did!”

“Saw what, you silly girl?” he snapped, angry his hat stand concept would never see light of day. He’d even begun to work out the air-cooling system, dammit!

“The ghoulies! Both of them!” she squawked.

“Good God! The ghoulies? Both of them? Are you sure?” he asked, all thoughts of his hat stand gone from his head, bar a lingering thought about wobble stabilisation using a rubber band network… Hmmm, that might work, you know…

“Yes!” she interrupted, “both of them – big and hairy and they were coming at me – coming and coming and coming and I couldn’t stop them!”

“Good Lord! What did you do?” he gasped and he began to sketch out a system of using three silly girls back-to-back for display purposes in a gentleman’s hatters.

“I jumped out of the shower, threw my nightie on and ran down the hall to you, Razzy.” She underlined this description with a mock run that would have sent any number of hats flying to the four winds and caused a reaction within the good professor that instantly afforded him a rack on which to hang several umbrellas.

“Oh Razzy!” she sighed breathlessly looking down. A trouser button narrowly missed her nose.

“Damn the ghosts! Damn science and damn the bloody hat stand! Come here, Philipina!” he ordered masterfully. He gabbed her nightie and with one powerful yank, tore it off. She stood naked and heaving in fronts of him as he released his umbrella rack and pointed it at her with intent. “Now. Tell me what those ghoulies did to you again and let’s see if I can’t better them…”

(For more by the same author, click here)

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4 comments

  1. Over-heated prose raised your temperature?

    Introducing Lady Heady Fans! Guaranteed to cool you from nose to toes, Lady Heady Fans come in three sizes: Classic (Japanese paper fan), Extra Long (includes bracket for mounting), and Super DeLuxe. For Super DeLuxe details consult the brilliant new Lady Heady novella available at Grignano Books! You won’t be disappointed!

  2. Excellent! I lose track of this blog for awhile, and lo and behold– a new Lady Heady piece! I may have to keep an eye on the shelves at Grignano Books for this one. 😀

  3. Hiya mate! You have a lot of catching up to do – since you last came Sally has been and gone again and I no longer know who I am and think I’m Jeremiah, the man who died on my island after my backpack tricked him!

    That and lost of other guff too 🙂

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