Google+ and me…

Google+ was always going to have an uphill struggle with me. I dropped Wave pretty much right after trying it out, I barely ever used or looked at Buzz beyond re-buzzing a blog post or two and when it comes to Facebook, well not only do I not facebook but I simply do not ‘get’ facebook. So when Google announced they would be opening G+ for beta you would not place me at the front of the queue for an invite, would you? Wrong! I was actually quite excited by the idea of Google+; partly because it sounded interesting and partly because I’m a Google kind of chap (not for me an Apple products and I’ve long since moved over to Google Docs for my writing and blogging). So I got in as HeadBurro Antfarm, populated it and quickly found that I wasn’t using it – it was just another facebook to me – just another “I don’t get it” thing so I deleted the phone app and haven’t looked at in months.

Until about two weeks ago I decided I should give it another go. I think I read about ir being out of Beta, maybe that tickled my fancy or something but whatever it was I turned back to the phone app and found it wouldn’t work. How odd. I went to the PC and there I found my account had been suspended due to name violation. Of course I’d read about the hoohah in Beta but quickly lost interest as G+ became irrelevant to me. It would appear the issue had not been resolved and now I had fallen victim to Google’s odd Big Brother-esque ruling. At first I wasn’t fussed. Big deal, thunk I, I don’t use it and probably never will. But then I noticed that they had suspended my profile too. That’s when I got riled.

I put in an appeal and in a week or so got a reply stating the G-men had looked at my case and found I was indeed guilty of being HeadBurro Antfarm, a name my mother had not given me when first I popped into the world, therefore they would not reverse their decision. I was welcome, they told me, to put my real name in the main name section and relegate HeadBurro Antfarm to the nicknames section meaning that both would be searchable. Now , none of you – NONE – know me by my real name. Well, maybe 3 or 4 of the TSMGO crowd do, but outside that NONE of you and no one who reads this blog* knows my real name so searching for my real name would be meaningless. And the thought that some of you could find my real name when searching for my actual name (I consider my actual name to be HeadBurro Antfarm, just not my real, birth name) makes my lower back all sweaty. I think it’s fear. I mean, I’m sure you are all a lovely bunch, it’s just I’m not going to put that to the test anytime soon, m’kay.

Now, I’m an easy going kind of guy so thought “Well, if I have to I have to. No biggie. Just as long as I can protect my real name, what harm is there? After all, Google know full well who I am, where I live and what my credit card number is as I’ve bought storage from them. I’ll do it as long as they let me ‘private’ my real name.” So I replied and asked if that would be an option.

It’s taken a few days for the reply to come through and it seems I can’t. I can not hide my real name if I fill in the profile as they want. But they did provide me with a workaround should I wish to use it.

I could (wait for it, it’s a doozie) put my real first name & just my last name initial in the name field. Brilliant! Genius! Now instead of being a unique HeadBurro Antfarm (a name I have held online for 5 years now) I can be just one of millions of “David B”s in the world. That, dear readers, is the thinking that got the Apollo 13 crew back to Earth, that is! That’s the kind of idea that makes the Dragon’s Den Dragons wet their pants with excitement! That’s the kind of clear, brilliant solution I’m used to expecting from an amazing organisation like Google.

Oh no, wait. No it isn’t.

It’s fucking daft is what it is.

So I won’t be using Google+, although I suspect they couldn’t care less if I do or don’t. On top of that I’ll be deleting my Google Profiles. All of them. I mean, what is the fucking point? I use Gmail, the calender, the RSS reader & Docs. I don’t share or like or +1, I just use these things for what I need. I blog with WordPress & keep my photos on Flickr. I imagine from Google’s point of view I’m a nothing to them.

* I don’t count my missus. she never reads this drivel.

 

Welcome to the future…

Twenty one years ago the Sisters of Mercy released their album “Vision Thing”. I was living in student digs in Cheetham Hill at the time avoiding the amourous attentions of a girl who kept far too many rats in her bathroom and had a brother serving time for an acid-in-face attack. Looking back, these were strange days but I digress. I knew the album was coming out because my mate Dazzle* was in the fan club and received postcards and the like and had told me weeks and weeks before. I took the afternoon off Uni and drove into Manchester with my other mate, Uncle Monkey, to buy the casette** from HMV. We drove back in my battered Sierra and listened to the Gothy goodness on the dodgy radio/tape player hoping to christ it didn’t decide to chew it up. It was a good day and it was a good album.

Scroll forward twenty one years. My alarm went off this morning and I rolled out of bed into the dark of 6am. As always my first thought was to pick up my phone and pull the charge cable out, an act that not only ensures I have my precious with me but also turns the screen on making my bleary eyed navigation to the door and down the stairs that much easier and safer. My blured, sleep encrusted eyes made out the small envelope icon meaning someone in the big old world had sent me an email whilst I had been sleeping the sleep of the just so I swipped with my thumb, unlocking a small computer more powerful than anything could have dreamed of in 1990 and stabbed at the Gmail icon. Boring… junk… notification… I deleted and archived as I took the steps down and suddenly found my thunb hoovering over an email from Kate Bush***. I pushed the email to open it as I crossed the dark living room to get to the kitchen and my goal of the kettle (cue angelic music here). Bugger me backards if there wasn’t a new album out. Today. An album out today. Kate bush had a new bloody album out tobloodyday! Whilst a part of my brain struggled with the enormity of this, another part went into auto-piolt and swiped my thumb across screens and icons until it had opened the 7Digital app, hit New Releases, found “50 Words for Snow” and bought the bugger with one push. I slipped the phone in my pocket as the download process began, filled the kettle, got a cup ready and grabbed a pan for some porridge. At this point I looked at my phone and the download had completed. In less than two minutes I had learnt of the album’s release, located it, bought it and downloaded it ready to listen right there and then.

It would appear I’m living in the motherfucking future, people. Now who the fuck do I see about my flying car?

* That isn’t his name, obviously. His folks were not hippies or from Hollywood or anything. We called him that, in the way of close male friends, as an insult to wind him up. Blokes do this kind of thing.

** I still had a turntable at this point but had stopped buying vinyl yet was still at least a year or so away from my first CD player.

*** Unfortunaelty not from Kate Bush but rather her music publicity people/machine/company. An email from the lady herself may well have made my balls explode on the spot with 25 years of pent up emotional longing and pure, raw, throbbing sexual desire. Which reminds me, I must watch the video for Babooshka again…

 

#LOTRO: Snow, snow and more ruddy snow…

My wee gazelleling looked at me yesterday and said “It’s flipping chaos in this house!” and he is right. Family have descended upon us and me and the The Boy are besieged by noisy women. I’ve taken to my computer room and he’s being killed by a thousand aunty kisses and hugs. Still, better him than me and his sacrifice means I am getting some serious game time in

Ranhold – Man, Champion, Historian, Master Expert Weaponsmith & Master Scholar. Level 48

After the fun and excitement of raiding in Annuminas and watching the Fellowship leave Rivendell, I decided it was high time Ranhold got back on the Epic Story line and met up with Gimli. That was all well and good except I had figured on how much I would hate the misty mountains.

Seriously! there is fuck all there but monsters! I decided it was actually high time I cleared out some quests in other areas instead and I headed back west with all speed. The quests I handed in eventually led me to Forocel and although I had long wanted to go there my brush with the snowy wastes of the Misty Mountains had left a sour taste in my mouth. Still, I had a quest to hand in so I pressed on through and boy am I glad I did!

Forocel is NOTHING like the misty mountains. For one thing it is full of people (and monsters). People who want you do things for them. People who have a complex (by the game’s standards, maybe not quite at the level of the Middle East peace process) net work of political and social links that you have to navigate. For a cold, snowy waste the dam place feels alive and exciting and is a delight to play in! On top of all that it afforded me my first missing pages from the books that would, when complete, grant me a legendary skill with which to smite my enemies and pull chicks!

The three books all had nine missing pages and I had found all those I could in 3 or 4 days (five pages from each book can be found in Forocel) leaving me the tough decision of staying with my new Lossoth friends or travelling back to Angmar to find the remaining pages.

I chose Angmar.

Two days I played there, confined to one very small orc camp as I mercilessly slaughtered every stinking orc I could find to see which of them had a missing page. hundreds have died and at last I have completed one of the three books (and have the excellent skill attached and working – sching sching!) but the remaining teo books are stuck at an annoying one page missing from each. There are only so many orcs I can hack up before I start to run the risk of flashbacks. Or RSI.

Gorfrik – Dwarf, Hunter, Armourer, Master Metalsmith & Artisan Tailor. Level 27

Gorfrik managed to sawn his hand to some armour and is currently the laughing stock of Esteldin’s Tailor’s Guild.

Nimlarn – Elf, Minstrel, Woodsman & Master Expert Woodworker. Level 22

Nimlarn was spotted in Bree poncing about like a great waste of time, musing about the beauty of a cloud and singing to a flower. Bloody elves.

Hocko – Hobbit, Burglar, Tinkerer & Master Jeweller. Level 20

Hocko escaped from Estedin’s goal and is currently at large (well, as large as a hobbit can be) and on the Ranger’s “Most Wanted…” list.

Rolcko – Hobbit, Guardian, Yeoman, Supreme Farmer & Master Cook. Level 32

Rolcko was investigating some odd sounds from old Pipleaf’s well when he fell in – a rescue operation is slated to start sometime soon.

Keltorn – Man of Bree, Warden, Explorer. Level 34

Keltorrn’s discovered the joys of polishing his javelin. Dirty boy.

You can still read Keltorn’s adventures here and I actually do have plans to carry them on at some point.

Elsewhere…

Workworkworkworkwork and mad in-laws. I picked a hell of a week to stop licking toads.

 

#SL: And then I was five…

Molly IMed me today to wish me a happy ready. Turns out the today marks five years since I joined the amazing world of Second Life.

Wonder if it counts if I’ve not been in for 6 months…

 

#LOTRO Quests to Remember: Jail Break (aka The Doom of Amdir!)

For my first Quests to Remember I thought I’d start right at the beginning with one of the most enduring pieces of action I’ve come across – the Nazgul attack in which The Ranger Amdir is ‘fatally’ wounded by a morgul blade. This only happens in the introduction part of the game* and only to players choosing to be either a man or a hobbit** and even then with slightly different version depending on which of those two races you play.

When I started LOTRO back in May I was new to the whole MMO schtick so wasn’t sure what to expect. Sure I knew about clever training levels (I’m still in love with the into to the first Half Life) but what I did not expect was that as soon as the brief character creation part was over I would find myself being rescued from jail by Aragorn himself and facing a ruddy great Nazgul! LOTRO, you had me at ‘Aragorn’, you cheeky flirt! Strider breaks me out of prison! Strider wants to spar with me! Strider wants me to help save some Hobbits called Baggins from the Brigands before they can be handed over to the Nazgul! I killed brigands, I rescued Hobbits and together we set fire to the jail in an orgy of fun, flames & fan-boy squeeing. This was heady stuff for the first few minutes and I loved it!

And then the Nazgul arrived.

My character was struck immobile with terror as Strider’s companion & fellow Ranger Amdir stood against the Black Rider. But alas neither Aragorn nor I could save the poor devil in time as the Nazgul stuck the man down with his cursed blade, sealing the Ranger to a terrible fate. This was played out in front of me, as was Aragorn’s defense of his fallen friend and the Nazgul’s furious retreat sans Halflings, with nary a cut scene in sight – I was in the middle of the action and it was intoxicating and it is the reason I am still completely hooked on this wonderful game.

So there you go – one of my favourite quests is the very first one in the game – it drew me in quick and deep, immersing me in the action of a world I had dreamt about for nearly 30 years. Next time I’ll tell you about the defence of Archet and how I could happily replay that a dozen times and still love it just as much as the first

You can read a detailed walk through of this quest here.

p.s. Why did I call this quest “The Doom of Amdir”? Well dear reader, all shall become clear as I recount more of my favourite quests to you over the coming weeks and months, suffice to say that even a noble Ranger can prove to be less doughty than a humble hobbit when poisoned with the tip of a Nazgul’s blade…

* An instance separated from the main game world and used to ‘train’ new players in the game’s controls and systems.
** Dwarves and elves get their own exciting introduction up in Erid Luin battling an undead Dwarf lord!

 

#LOTRO: Quests To Remember

Like MMOs the world over, LOTRO has a strong quest-based element to it and only yesterday I was comtemplating which quests I loved best in the game (a thought path driven by my recent enjoyment watching Narsil refogred and the Fellowship depart Rivendell). Well there must be something in the air at the moment because not long afterwards I decided to listen to the latest LOTROReproter Podcast in which, to my delight & surprise they discussed which quests they loved most too! Even more serendipitously it turned out that their discussion was directly inspired by reading a post by the MMO guru Syp on his Massively site in which he listed his top ten favourite quests.

So that got me to thinking about listing mine too, but given that my blogging time is more limited now & I’m far less likely to complete a long post, and the fact I’m a tight bugger who doesn’t want to blow what could be several posts in one blogging splurge, I’ve decided that I’ll make this an irregular series and when the fancy takes me (or my creative juices are more tundra than rain forest) I’ll tell you about a quest I’ve loved and why. Hell, I might even find some photos in the roughly 9k I have taken in the game so far to tickle your fancy with

In the end I hope, more than just finding me something to blog about, that I show you how great this game is and maybe even tempt you to try it out. If you love Tolkien’s world as much as I do, there is so much to fall in love with in LOTRO that I just hope you are inspired to take up arms for the Free People of the West and stand with me against the darkness & evil of the East…

 

#LOTRO A Love Song for The Shire

Ok, not actually a song. Trust me, you wouldn’t want that, you really wouldn’t. But I *do* love The Shire and I don’t care who knows it. I’m not talking about The Shire of the books or films (although I do love them as well) but rather The Shire of the Lord of The Rings Online game and I really, really do mean I love it.

But why o why are you telling us this, Lord Burro the Irrelevant?

Because my loyal Gazellings I have seen a lot of anti-Shire sentiment in my kin chat of late and whilst defending the place to my kin mates I realised this would make a good post. Or a post at least. Beggars can’t be choosers, mate now sit down and listen.

It seems to me that most of the Shire ill-feeling is generated by, and directed toward, exactly what these misguided folks should be celebrating about the place – it’s almost transcendent sense of whimsy. Let’s face it, if you read Tolkien’s books the Hobbits and their beloved homelands are whimsical to the point of absurdity. The Shire is given over as some form of English rural paradise chock full of the types of folk you expect to meet in the (very real!) village of North Piddle: eccentric, blustering, loud Squires; hrumphing, superstitious salt-of-the-earth farmhands; nosey old fishwives and an ever-flirtatious Rosie beckoning you over to the hay barn with a jar of cider and flash of sun-kissed calf. Ahh, Cider with Rosie… so formative…

Sorry, where was I? North Piddle, wasn’t it? Anyhoo, the point is Tolkien drew on all these archetypes and locked himself away in a lab with a DNA splicer until, one moonlight All Hallow’s Eve, The Shire was born. And its first word was “Bloomers!”. The Shire has to be whimsical in the game because The Shire Tolkien created *is* whimsical. It is a place where, no matter your level, skills with a sword or prowess at killing Dragons, if you can’t deliver a fruit pie to the next village in time then what use are you? Really? I mean, all that buff and bluster about fighting this silly bugger and killing that sillier bugger and you can’t carry a fruit pie from an old lady to the nearest pub? Useless. Now, if you can chase a squirrel out of a library or rescue a chicken from a wolf, well that’s a different matter…

You see too many people go into The Shire expecting it to be Angmar. They have their Hero Heads on. They want action and drama and killing – lots and lots of killing. What they get is errands. Errands and vignettes into the life of a Hobbit, which is most assuredly not about running all over Middle Earth punching Orcs into a coma. The life of a Hobbit is far more important than that, thank you very much and this is the mindset you have to enter The Shire with – you are not just entering another region with quests in another MMO, you are entering one of the most whimsical places ever committed from imagination to paper. If all you want is to power up the levelling chart and wave your big manly sword about then you probably are not going to take kindly to an old Hobbit granny asking you to take her grandson his butties, are you? See The Shire as a holiday from the endless violence of other regions – see The Shire as an oasis – See The Shire as the refuge Tolkien created it as.

Once you do that, you’ll grow to love The Shire too. And if you don’t, well The Shire doesn’t care as neither The Shire nor the Hobbits are impressed with you one little bit. You know nothing about growing pipe-weed.

p.s. Listen to Shipwreck’s cracking Shire-based podcast here.

p.p.s. I, for one, want to extend a huge and heart-felt WELL DONE! to Turbine’s creators who have done a bloody amazing job. Seriously, get the books or the audiobooks and read/listen through the descriptions at the start of The Lord of The Rings (the parts where Frodo leaves) and see just what a bang-up job they have done. Hat’s off to you guys, and thank you for enabling me to walk in the places I’ve held in my imagination and heart for so long.

 

#SL: Salazar’s ArcheoExpo 2011

I’ve been so wrapped up in playing LOTRO that I had forgotten to upload & post my pictures from the ArcheoExpo Salazar arrange in Cowell this year. It was a really fun event that Sal and many other worked really hard to make so enjoyable and here are my photos from it (did I mention I got to see a Starax Wand in action? No? Well I did and it was bloody brilliant!)

 

#LOTRO: Waving the Fellowship off…

Another great moment Turbine have worked into the game is the departure of the Fellowship and by gum it’s a booby dazzler! It comes at the end of a loooong chain of quests you do for Elrond, Ranhold & Boromir (not to mention Bilbo, Frodo, Gandalf, Legolas & Gimili) after which Elrond invites you to join him and a select few at the parting of ways as the Fellowship heads off into the Mountains.

My squeeee gland nearly exploded.

Here is the event from start to finish with most of the dialogue captured…

 

#SL: My but how time flies…

Wow… tomorrow marks exactly a year since my story marathon Steal Head ended. A whole year. Now that has really gone by quickly. To think how much has changed since then – how much of a high I was on. A few more months writing Gang Wars and that would be it for my time in Steelhead and SL, pissed off by a couple of tossers so much that I decided to give another game a try, a little thing called LOTRO… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I actually have a lot to thank Sheriff Numbnuts and the One-Armed Wanker for

Do you know what… it’ll be my 5th anniversary in SL on the 19th too. Blimey.